Tom and I went out the other night to see a band and to have dinner. I don't remember at precisely what moment, but sometime after we closed the garage door and before we arrived home, the evening went awry.
We began the night at an outdoor bar where we watched a Beatles tribute band. The night itself was perfect...not too hot, not yet cool enough for a sweater. No bugs...just good music and the commeraderie of folks out on a Saturday night.
Tom saw several people he knew, the evening's event was a benefit for one of the local ad clubs. In addition, we met some new "friends"...strangers (who were friendlier than I would have been), but who managed to make both Tom and I laugh several times nonetheless.
After an hour or so at the bar, we decided to move on and head to dinner. Ferre, a lovely Italian restaurant, which came complete with cloth napkins and ambient candles on each table was our choice for the night. Quiet, romantic, it should have made for a great meal.
I cannot tell you exactly what comment catapulted us into the "discussion", and I won't bore you with all of the intimate details, but let's just say the conversation led to tears(mine of course) in the restaurant.
I attribute it to a mix of the content of the conversation and just enough chardonnay running through my veins to push me to the emotional edge. I'd like to tell you it is the first time that has happened, but I'd be lying. The jist of our conversation revolved around the fact that often times we don't appreciate what one another brings to the table of marriage and family life.
I (yes, using my "I" statements) don't always feel like my contribution is "enough". I can say my husband feels the same way at times.
In a word: Underappreciation.
I held my ground and I am proud of myself for doing so. Because for many years I would have just kept quiet, or I may have overinflated myself, believing I was sacrificing or supporting my spouse more than I actually do.
I am not ashamed to say I struggle as a wife, mother, and woman to be what those I love most in life need/want me to be. Sometimes I feel that no matter how hard I try, it just is not enough. [Enter the tears.]
But the reality is, I am enough. He is enough. We are all enough when we bring our best to the table. Which is all anyone can ask...for we cannot be EVERYTHING to EVERYBODY all the time.
To my hubby...