It started out like any normal day…drop daughter at the elementary school, return home to walk the dogs and eat a container of Chobani yogurt before taking son to the middle school, heading to the gym for a solid morning workout, and then traveling across town to make our bi-weekly purchases at Sam’s Club.
There were eight things on the shopping list (none of which were Gardettos or chocolate covered pretzels), it took me OVER AN HOUR to get through the store!
In looking back, I realize exactly where I went wrong. I didn’t bring my usual mid-morning banana and granola bar with me when I left the house. Therefore, I was starving when I walked in the door at Sam’s Club. I knew as I crossed the parking lot I would be asking for trouble, but once I saw the three pound bags of Halloween Hershey bars on my left as I wiped my cart down with the courtesy Purell, I knew I was in way over my head.
What to do?
The voices inside of my head began chattering to one another…
Me: OMG! I LOVE Kit Kat bars! This package has Kit Kats, Snickers, and Cookies and Creme flavored Hershey bars….a-YUM!
Myself: It’s way too early to buy Halloween candy, besides you know if you do that today you’ll just be buying it again before the end of the month.
I: Oh what the hell, I’ll just give the bag to Tom when I get home and he’ll hide it from me. He’ll be glad I got it for a good price.
Me: No way, that package is better, it’s got Heath….I LOVE HEATH BARS! God I am hungry, why didn’t I bring a banana with me this morning? Grrrrr….
Myself: Don’t buy it! He’s gonna be mad, even if you did get a good deal, because if he has to hide the bag that will mean he’ll have to use all of his will power not to open it.
I: Willpower?! He’s got more willpower in his pinky finger than I have in my whole body! This is a man who went an entire Christmas season without eating even one morsel of his favorite Christmas cookies because he was on The Atkins DIet…meanwhile, I was at the end of a pregnancy and getting fatter everyday…THAT was willpower. And, totally uncaring, in my opinion.
Myself: Listen girl, you should be happy your man has will power.
Me: Just put the bag in the cart and let’s move on! You know you’re gonna do it anyway, let’s not take all day about it…
And around, and around, and around it went.
Until I just threw the darn bag in the cart and moved past the electronics department, feeling satisfied that I’d made some progress.
Passing office supplies and furniture on my right, I hit the clothing section. Yes, I am serious. You can get some darn good deals on fuzzy pullovers at Sam’s Club, let me tell you! Hey, even though it’s still 90 degrees in October (in Dallas) one of these days it is going to get cold, and nothing feels better on a cold day than a nice, warm, fleece-y top. Or pajamas…
The voices start again...
Me: Oh, that blue one is cute. And it would look so good on me…blue is my favorite color.
Myself: If you come home with a bunch of clothing, no matter what item it is or how great it was priced, he’s gonna have something to say about it. Ask youself, “Do I want to have this conversation again?”
I: Move on girl, you’ll be back in again later this month and if it’s still here then it’s meant to be yours.
I picked up some cute corduroy leggings before moving on to the paper goods section.
(No voices here, just shopping and using the list, by the way).
I managed to get through canned goods and sports beverages before chatter erupted again as I entered the snack area. What is it about salty, crunchy, sweet combinations that make me want to sell my soul?
I’m forty-seven years old, so much of my mental energy was gone by this point in the morning (thanks to being starving), so I just picked things up as I went through the section. Caramel Salted Lava cakes, yes ma’am…chocolate covered pretzels, sure! They make chocolate Eggo waffles?! OMG, they have those sweet coated corn puffs again, they haven’t had those in months!
Toss in some staples (a/k/a items on the list, such as peanut butter, fruit, and bread), throw in two bottles of my favorite chardonnay (hey, it’s $7.89 at Sam’s, at Tom Thumb it’s almost $10)…
Tom texts me, “can you get a case of Mike’s?”
Sure babe, no problem. Perfect timing!
A moment of guilt forced me to toss the leggings and the lava cake mix on top of the black forest ham in the lunch meat section. I don’t really need these…someone will find them later…and I’m sure be happy to return them to their rightful spots.
As I check out I begin to explain myself to the cashier (who, let’s face it, could care less about what I am buying), then I spend more time justifying my purchases to the “highlighter” guy who is surveying my cart as I walk out the door (I have five kids, I say, as he visually counts the snack bags…he’ll never know I only have three still at home).
Slowly walking to my car I begin to berate myself for succumbing to way more than (a) we needed and (b) was on the list.
After packing up the car, I returned the cart to the corral and shamefully got into the drivers seat thinking…next time I’m going make a quick stop home and grab a banana.