Kim Muench Blog | Real Life Parent Guide

December 26, 2011 by Kim Muench 1 Comment

Just when I thought I had it all figured out, I realized how little I knew.

It seems like the appropriate time of year to reflect on where I am today, and where I am headed. As I have mentioned, there have been a series of life events in my recent past that have reshaped my thinking and priorities. Some of these lessons were more challenging to go through than others. But like any struggle I’ve ever experienced, running from it seems fruitless so why not just tackle it head on?
Life lesson number one relates to parenting. I have learned it is absolutely vital to encourage, support and love your children unconditionally. Important in everyday life, but even more so when they are facing their own life challenges. Enabling your child to continue a path of destruction will cripple their potential which is counter-intuitive to my role as their parent. This is often easier said than done, but crucial nonetheless.

Life lesson number two relates to finances. Guess what? It doesn’t matter if you live in a 5,400 s.f. mcmansion or a 1,900 s.f. patio home. Here is what matters…how well you get along with the people who share your roof. People are not happier with more space, more stuff, bigger lots, and pricier cars…in fact, they are often less satisfied. “Keeping up with the Jones” gets to be very stressful and tiring. I don’t know how I thought that the opposite was true, but I feel blessed to have learned that lesson.

And life lesson number three relates to marriage, and is by far the one that blew me away this year. Here it is…just when you think you have your spouse figured out, he changes. When you think it isn’t possible…it happens! Not that I didn’t love him for who he was, but HE has instituted some changes (without nagging believe it or not) that have brought a renewed appreciation, love, and respect for who he is, for our relationship, and for his relationship with our family.

I am excited about the coming year! Some highlights to look forward to include my 20th wedding anniversary, my graduation from college, watching Brigham graduate from middle school, helping Maddux prepare for his First Communion, and handing my daughter a bouquet of roses after her dance recital. And, God willing, continued positive feedback on the book I have written which tells a story I feel I was called to share. These are events that are more precious to me now for having learned some lessons the past few years, and I couldn’t be more grateful to have experienced them!

As we head into a new year, if you are in the middle of some life lessons of your own, take the time to listen to your heart. I believe the answers you seek will come to you when you open your mind to change. Many blessings in 2012~Kim

December 19, 2011 by Kim Muench 1 Comment

The Best Part of Waking Up…

Have you ever seen the Folgers coffee commercial where the young man comes home early Christmas morning? He and his kid sister are hanging out in the kitchen and as he is making coffee he hands her a gift. She pulls off the bow, puts it on his shirt and says, “you are my present this year.” Pan over to mom and dad in the doorway smiling as they watch the scene take place before welcoming their son home with holiday hugs. I cannot watch that commercial without welling up. (See “Folgers Christmas ad 2009” on youtube.com).
There will be a similar scene unfolding in our home this week with the return of one son from college and the eldest from his life in Austin. It’s been months since we’ve seen either one. As a mom, I can think of no greater gift than having all of my children together under the same roof. Whether it’s Christmas or not, being with the people you love is more precious than anything wrapped in a box.

I know not every holiday can be compared to a sappy coffee commercial. We’ve had some challenges as a family which, I feel, have enabled us to better appreciate one another this holiday. And, for some of you, this Christmas will be more difficult (financially, emotionally, spiritually…) than others. If that is the case, consider this: life is cyclical, it will have it’s share of ups and downs. The downs help you appreciate the ups and, if you allow them to, will also help you grow as a person.

So when you wake up on Christmas morning, whether or not you smell Folgers coffee brewing, dwell not on what is under the tree, or who you will spend time with, but on what life has taught you thus far and where it may take you next. Be grateful for the journey.

December 12, 2011 by Kim Muench 3 Comments

Is Life A Series Of Distractions?

My six-year-old daughter asks me to come to the school cafeteria and eat lunch with her on a regular basis. Sometimes I get annoyed, thinking there is so much to I need to get done while my kids are at school. Laundry, phone calls, my own schoolwork, a quick workout…the list seems endless. But, then I remember how grateful I should be that she cares enough to want me to join her. Someday she will stop asking, so I need to take advantage of this opportunity she is giving me.
On a recent visit to the school cafeteria, I sat across the table from a dad who was there to have lunch with his son. In his hand was an iPhone, and he was madly texting away. Every so often this dad would look up toward his son and say “Love you buddy”…and his son promptly replied the same thing each time, “Love you too dad.” Then, the dad went back to texting and the son looked bored, but continued to eat his lunch. This went on for about 15 minutes until the dad says, “buddy, where do you eat when I’m not here, I gotta get to a meeting.” The son pointed in the direction of his class and then proceeded to pack up the rest of his lunch. The two parted ways…the son to his assigned table, the dad out the door. Really?! Wow.

I thought to myself, why did the dad even bother to come to visit his son for lunch in the first place? The boy tried to talk with his dad once or twice, but dad was clearly not paying attention so the boy stopped…except for responding to the dad’s short acknowledgements of love. Meanwhile I am beginning to get so distracted by this behavior, I am not listening to my own child.

I keep thinking about how often, and how easily, we as parents, spouse, family member or friend get distracted and don’t really listen to the person we are speaking with. I am ashamed to admit I pulled the same crap just yesterday during a phone conversation with my son who is over 900 miles away at college. I hadn’t spoken to him in a week, and while he was telling me about being nominated for a leadership program at his school, I was writing a thank you note! (Sorry Allen-Michael…). Am I really any better than the dad in the lunchroom?! I knew I had screwed up when I couldn’t remember half the details as I relayed the story to my husband over dinner.

There are more distractions than usual this time of year, and even more excuses as to why we don’t, or can’t, pay attention. Yet, this is also the time of year we tend to get together with those closest to us. I think one of the greatest gifts we can give each other is the gift of presence. I’ll bet if we open our ears, our hearts will be opened as well. I plan to make that a priority this holiday, will you?

December 5, 2011 by Kim Muench 2 Comments

A Quarter of a Century Later, I Can Finally See The Light.

When I began my college career back in 1986, I had no idea what field I wanted to pursue. I just went to school because that’s what everybody else did. My first attempt at college was cut very short by getting pregnant (although I did stick it out through the end of my freshman year).
After my son was born, I needed to work to support us. At the age of 19, with little education and a limited skill set, I got my first job as a secretary. I was employed in this field for many years and worked for several different companies. Along the way, I realized I liked to help people, but I didn’t like being told what to do.

Life marched on. I got married, had another child, and began taking some general education courses through the local community college at night when my husband was home to watch the kids.

In the fall of 1997, I decided to get serious and “find a direction.” I took a course in drug and alcohol abuse counseling, knowing it was a job whose sole purpose was to help others. A few weeks into the semester, I decided I was not cut out for that line of work because (a) I was not a recovering alcoholic; and (b) at the time I didn’t know anyone who was. Essentially, I was out of my element.

Shortly thereafter, my journey was again interrupted because my third child put me on bed rest for nearly two months and I needed to focus on my family. In the fall of 1998, thinking about advancing myself again, my mom reminded me how much I liked to decorate, so I looked into the associate degree in interior design program. I LOVED IT! I got A’s in every class and landed a great internship just before graduating from the program. That position gave me a wealth of experience. So much so, that in 2001 I struck out on my own, creating From House to Home Full Service Interior Design. I felt the name really captured the essence of what I wanted to help my clients achieve.

I really enjoyed working with individuals and couples, although I often felt like more of a counselor than a designer. You see, in order to be successful as a designer, you really have to listen to what is being said, as much as to what is not being said. And in the case of working with couples, marrying their decorating tastes truly lends itself to crafting the art of compromise.

In 2007, with two additional children added to the mix, our family moved from Wisconsin to Texas for my husband’s job. So ended From House to Home. I was sad to leave it behind, as I knew I would not have the energy needed to rebuild the business in Dallas.

The years 2008-2009 provided some very important and life changing lessons, giving me, I believe, the ability to see the direction my life is to take from here.

In the fall of 2009, I began to finish a BA (in Psychology) through Argosy University. The program is mainly online which allows me to be home for my kids while finishing my education. The “up” side is no commute, the “down” side is staying on task since there really is no one to be accountable to but myself.

It is almost the end of 2011, and I am proud to say I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am just 18 credits away from my goal! But of course, that won’t be the end of my college career. I want to become a Substance Abuse Counselor which means I need to go on to graduate school.

The point of my story is this…sometimes it takes longer than you expect to achieve something important in your life. Sometimes there are interruptions, you get sidetracked, or you end up someplace completely different than where you intended to. Sometimes you come full circle, as in my case with drug and alcohol counseling. But, that’s the joy and unpredictability of life. That’s what keeps things interesting and helps us stay on our toes. So, if you have considered going back to school or changing your life’s direction, I encourage you to do so. After all, life is short…even when it seems as if your goal will take you forever to accomplish!

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