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December 12, 2011 by Kim Muench 3 Comments

Is Life A Series Of Distractions?

My six-year-old daughter asks me to come to the school cafeteria and eat lunch with her on a regular basis.  Sometimes I get annoyed, thinking there is so much to I need to get done while my kids are at school. Laundry, phone calls, my own schoolwork, a quick workout…the list seems endless. But, then I remember how grateful I should be that she cares enough to want me to join her. Someday she will stop asking, so I need to take advantage of this opportunity she is giving me.
On a recent visit to the school cafeteria, I sat across the table from a dad who was there to have lunch with his son.  In his hand was an iPhone, and he was madly texting away.  Every so often this dad would look up toward his son and say “Love you buddy”…and his son promptly replied the same thing each time, “Love you too dad.”  Then, the dad went back to texting and the son looked bored, but continued to eat his lunch.  This went on for about 15 minutes until the dad says, “buddy, where do you eat when I’m not here, I gotta get to a meeting.”  The son pointed in the direction of his class and then proceeded to pack up the rest of his lunch.  The two parted ways…the son to his assigned table, the dad out the door.  Really?!  Wow.

I thought to myself, why did the dad even bother to come to visit his son for lunch in the first place?  The boy tried to talk with his dad once or twice, but dad was clearly not paying attention so the boy stopped…except for responding to the dad’s short acknowledgements of love.  Meanwhile I am beginning to get so distracted by this behavior, I am not listening to my own child.

I keep thinking about how often, and how easily, we as parents, spouse, family member or friend get distracted and don’t really listen to the person we are speaking with.  I am ashamed to admit I pulled the same crap just yesterday during a phone conversation with my son who is over 900 miles away at college.  I hadn’t spoken to him in a week, and while he was telling me about being nominated for a leadership program at his school, I was writing a thank you note!  (Sorry Allen-Michael…).  Am I really any better than the dad in the lunchroom?!  I knew I had screwed up when I couldn’t remember half the details as I relayed the story to my husband over dinner. 

There are more distractions than usual this time of year, and even more excuses as to why we don’t, or can’t, pay attention.  Yet, this is also the time of year we tend to get together with those closest to us.  I think one of the greatest gifts we can give each other is the gift of presence.   I’ll bet if we open our ears, our hearts will be opened as well.  I plan to make that a priority this holiday, will you?

 

 

Filed Under: Family, Kim's Journey

December 5, 2011 by Kim Muench 2 Comments

A Quarter of a Century Later, I Can Finally See The Light.

When I began my college career back in 1986, I had no idea what field I wanted to pursue. I just went to school because that’s what everybody else did. My first attempt at college was cut very short by getting pregnant (although I did stick it out through the end of my freshman year).
After my son was born, I needed to work to support us. At the age of 19, with little education and a limited skill set, I got my first job as a secretary. I was employed in this field for many years and worked for several different companies. Along the way, I realized I liked to help people, but I didn’t like being told what to do.

Life marched on.  I got married, had another child, and began taking some general education courses through the local community college at night when my husband was home to watch the kids.

In the fall of 1997, I decided to get serious and “find a direction.”  I took a course in drug and alcohol abuse counseling, knowing it was a job whose sole purpose was to help others. A few weeks into the semester, I decided I was not cut out for that line of work because (a) I was not a recovering alcoholic; and (b) at the time I didn’t know anyone who was. Essentially, I was out of my element.

Shortly thereafter, my journey was again interrupted because my third child put me on bed rest for nearly two months and I needed to focus on my family.  In the fall of 1998, thinking about advancing myself again, my mom reminded me how much I liked to decorate, so I looked into the associate degree in interior design program.  I LOVED IT!  I got A’s in every class and landed a great internship just before graduating from the program.  That position gave me a wealth of experience.  So much so, that in 2001 I struck out on my own, creating From House to Home Full Service Interior Design.  I felt the name really captured the essence of what I wanted to help my clients achieve.

I really enjoyed working with individuals and couples, although I often felt like more of a counselor than a designer.  You see, in order to be successful as a designer, you really have to listen to what is being said, as much as to what is not being said.  And in the case of working with couples, marrying their decorating tastes truly lends itself to crafting the art of compromise.

In 2007, with two additional children added to the mix, our family moved from Wisconsin to Texas for my husband’s job.  So ended From House to Home.  I was sad to leave it behind, as I knew I would not have the energy needed to rebuild the business in Dallas.

The years 2008-2009 provided some very important and life changing lessons, giving me, I believe, the ability to see the direction my life is to take from here.

In the fall of 2009, I began to finish a BA (in Psychology) through Argosy University.  The program is mainly online which allows me to be home for my kids while finishing my education.  The “up” side is no commute, the “down” side is staying on task since there really is no one to be accountable to but myself.

It is almost the end of 2011, and I am proud to say I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I am just 18 credits away from my goal!  But of course, that won’t be the end of my college career. I want to become a Substance Abuse Counselor which means I need to go on to graduate school.

The point of my story is this…sometimes it takes longer than you expect to achieve something important in your life.  Sometimes there are interruptions, you get sidetracked, or you end up someplace completely different than where you intended to.  Sometimes you come full circle, as in my case with drug and alcohol counseling.  But, that’s the joy and unpredictability of life.  That’s what keeps things interesting and helps us stay on our toes.  So, if you have considered going back to school or changing your life’s direction, I encourage you to do so.  After all, life is short…even when it seems as if your goal will take you forever to accomplish!

Filed Under: Kim's Journey, Personal Growth

November 28, 2011 by Kim Muench Leave a Comment

Christian Rock Anyone?

I consider myself a pretty hip forty-something mother of five, but I came to a realization a few years ago that changing the music I was listening to was important to my children’s overall well-being, and in the process of doing something for them, it allowed me to benefit as well.
You see I used to listen to the top hit music stations in Dallas.  I switched to KLTY (94.9 FM) after having an epiphany one day when I heard my then 4-year-old daughter Mia belting out the lyrics to Rihanna’s “S&M” as she rode in the backseat of our minivan.  The reality of the words I was hearing and the fact that my children liked to sing along made me realize something had to change.  Do elementary school aged children have any idea what Lady Gaga is referring to when she sings about “riding on your disco stick” or when Pitbull sings “Let me see where the Lord split chya Lollie”….God I hope not.  But, I believe kids internalize a lot of messages and pick things up even when we think they aren’t paying attention.  So, I became a fan of the “Family Friendly Morning Show”.

After a week or so, what I heard from the backseat caused me to pause, and hold back tears…my kids were singing along with Israel Houghton’s “I Am A Friend of God”!  Hearing them sing along to tunes such as Sanctus Real’s “Forgiven” or Amy Grant’s “Better Than A Hallelujah” warms my heart.  As an added benefit, several of the songs on KLTY cross over into the music that is played at mass so they now participate more in the service. Do I think just changing the music we listen to in the car when we tool around town will significantly change the course of their lives…maybe not, but it can’t hurt either.

When you stop to actually listen to popular music it is no surprise the way many teens and young adults behave.  There is an amazing amount of pressure today, much of which is promoted by music, television and movies.  It is clear the entertainment industry has a great deal of influence over our youth.  

As a parent I believe it is my responsiblity to promote media of all forms that build self esteem, confidence and values.  I hardly think this can be accomplished by the likes of Dev’s hit tune “Dancing In The Dark” where she says (among other things…) “I’m only talking to you if you want to surf my seas…” Seriously?!

Filed Under: Family, Kim's Journey

November 8, 2011 by Kim Muench 1 Comment

A Thought…A Dream…A Reality

One day, shortly after we moved to Texas in 2007, I said to Allen-Michael, “I am going to write a book.”  It was admittedly, a random, off-the-cuff comment and was completely out of character for me.  Allen-Michael asked me what the book would be about and I responded, “I don’t know, but I am going to write one.”
Over the next few months Allen-Michael would occasionally ask me if I’d started my book yet.  Each time he did so, I felt a bit of guilt in responding, “Nope, not yet Mike.”  Then, one day I saw a blank journal with a pretty cover at Barnes and Noble…that find led to my deciding to write the details (to the best of my recollection anyway) of each of my children’s birth days.  As the details were extracted from my brain they just seemed to flow across the paper.  I began to think even if I didn’t write a book, I could put each child’s story in his or her baby book and someday they’d think it was a nice keepsake.

Months went by, I would pull the sketchbook out on occasion and continue to write.  Both Allen-Michael and Brigham would ask how my “book” was coming.  Each time they did I’d say, “It’s a work in progress.”

Life with five kids doesn’t necessarily leave a lot of time for quiet moments to write, and the last few years have been exceptionally chaotic.  Although it started as a random comment to one of my kids, my dream has finally become a reality with this first book entitled, “My Mothers Footprints”. Don’t worry, it’s not a collection of birth stories…but one, I hope, that captures a message of unconditional love.

Marriage, parenthood, life in general provides a lot of noteworthy material.  My goal is to share some thoughts, experiences, and laughs with you, and in the process of sharing myself, to learn from you as well. Afterall, each one of us has a story to tell!   Look for additional posts here in the near future, and if you have a spare minute, please share with me your thoughts on My Mothers Footprints.

Filed Under: Kim's Journey, Personal Growth

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Kim Muench



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realifeparentguide@gmail.com

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