“HELP, I need advice on how to handle my 15-year-olds-over-the-top video game addiction, he is literally playing 10-12 hours a day!”
“My 14-year-old daughter doesn’t have a clue as to how to get herself up and ready for school, someone please tell me what’s wrong with kids today????”
“I’ve suggested my teenage son get a job to help support his continuous social life, he told me that’s out of the question. What am I supposed to do, I can’t MAKE him get a job?!?!”
“Which is the best app to track my daughter, I can’t trust her to be where she says she’s going to be and I have no clue where to begin, but I know I’ve got to do something!”
Posted through hundreds of Facebook groups daily, parents are asking other parents for their advice and feedback on everything from discipline strategies to medical issues…what’s going on? How did we get here? It’s easy to fall into the trap of asking others for their opinions and perspectives since social media groups are plentiful and it looks as if everyone else is asking for advice and insight, so why not join the crowd?
I’ll tell you why…
seeking the advice of others about your parenting challenges robs you of the opportunity to hone your inborn intuition and, as a result, connect more deeply with your kids. Somewhere during the social media boom it was decided that everyone else has the answer to our relationship issues and it’s better to look outside of ourselves to get back on the right path with our teenagers.
It’s time for us to reconnect with ourselves so that we can build healthier, stronger relationships with our kids. THAT’S what’s missing. And that’s my mission when working with a parent. To help them reconnect with their own inner wisdom.
Don’t get me wrong, building community among parents of teenagers is needed. In fact, I have created a group in my hometown called Moms Empowering Moms for this very reason, because we can’t always do it alone. BUT, when our go to has become asking strangers to help us navigate parenting dilemmas we are learning to disconnect from our much needed inner wisdom.
You see, the answer is within us.
Now, I don’t mean to say that if our son or daughter is experiencing an ongoing medical or mental health condition we shouldn’t check in with our doctor or a trusted family member or friend, this may be exactly what’s needed. I’m talking about the reliance we’ve developed towards asking people we don’t know [who have their own experiences, perspectives and backgrounds guiding their commentary] to advise us on what to do in a given situation, this breeds (a) a lack of confidence in parenting and (b) looking for the Easy Button.
When experiencing stress or tension in the relationship with one of our kids reconnecting with ourselves is the answer.
But how do we go about doing that?
- Stop – Literally take a few minutes of quiet, uninterrupted time to feel into (notice I didn’t say think about) the situation you are experiencing with your child. What is coming up for you to tune into? Thinking can lead to fear which leads to disconnection, the idea is to come from a space of love in order to create stronger connection to yourself and then to your child. Pay close attention to what comes up (beneath the initial fear) by feeling through your heart to invite what appears.
- Ask – Once quiet for a few minutes and you begin to move past thinking into feeling, ask for direction. Asking means you are sincerely open to receiving the guidance you need about the particular situation you are concerned about. To tap into your inner wisdom, you must be open to it.
- Act – Don’t question what’s coming up, that’s your monkey mind taking over. Our intuition comes from a much deeper place than our mind. It comes from our heart center, from the connection to ourselves and to our loved ones. Proceed in confidence with your gut instinct.
Now more than ever our teenagers need for us, their parents, to be clear and intentional in the relationship with have with ourselves and with them. They need our wisdom and guidance, not in the form of a lecture but in the knowing that we are available to support and encourage them right where they’re at.
No matter what situation they find themselves in.
Our culture and the pace of life we’re continually being sold does not lend itself well to this exercise of stopping and checking in but if we are to become connected to ourselves, therefore emotionally available to our kids, then making this practice a priority every day is essential.
If I can be of service to help you reconnect to yourself and therefore more readily available to those you love, please contact me.