I have a former neighbor and very good friend whose name is Gail. Each of us has four sons, and even though we now live 1,000 miles apart, sometimes I feel as if we’ve practically raised our kids together under the same roof. Our friendship being what it is, Gail used to make fun of me because I would post a weekly dinner menu on our refrigerator. More than that, I was organized enough to make only one trip the the grocery store per week. Gail thought that was a bit insane. I thought nothing of it. But, that was years ago, nowadays my head spins at the question of what to make for dinner TONIGHT. Thinking ahead a night or two isn’t even an option.
What happened?! I used to be so organized! Every year my Christmas cards went out the door Thanksgiving weekend. I always washed the bedsheets every Tuesday, and I had a schedule for cleaning the rest of the house that I strictly adhered to. I even did laundry every 72 hours like clockwork for chrissakes! I am not looking to lay guilt or undue blame, but I have a strong suspicion that kids #4 and 5 caused me more than just a few additional stretch marks.
My mom [thinks she] reassures me by saying it is ‘early onset menapause’ (I am not even gonna go there…). I can’t ignore it any longer, the bottom line is that I am losing focus which is quite unnerving for someone who, in the past, had prided herself on being anal retentive.
Let me share some examples. I recently ran to the local Super Target to get a few items, here is what my list looked like:
Since I cannot seem to remember to bring a piece of paper into the store with me, I thought using my hand was both practical and resourceful. (As I review the content of this list I would also begin to question my randomness, but then I remember I am at Super Target where I can get BOTH sushi and floor cleaner!)
But wait, this blasted lack of focus gets worse! On a number of occasions recently I have had to ask my copilot (Brigham) where we are headed. You see, I put a lot of miles on my Kia Soul shuttling kids around town each week. Sometimes the darn thing just seems to run on autopilot. I have heard most accidents happen within a mile of home, a statistic which scares the bejezus out of me as I often put several hundred miles a week on the car and only actually cover 5 square miles of road!
The coup de gras though was the other night when Tom and I went out to dinner. Just before our meal was delivered I excused myself to use the ladies room. I lock the stall, pull down my jeans to proceed with business when all of a sudden I feel something weird…Oh My God! I HAD FORGOTTEN TO PULL DOWN MY UNDERWEAR! I then did what my 14-year-old son calls a “face palm”. Needless to say I went commando the rest of the night.
I am afraid to think of what might be next. There are a couple of members from my immediate family who will attest to the fact that, on separate occasions and even when reminded repeatedly, they were left behind to walk home from the local athletic center because I forgot them. I feel like it can only be a matter of time before I am aimlessly wandering around the Kroger parking lot looking for my car.
Am I the only one this stuff happens to?! I guess if I am in the process of losing my mind I may as well laugh about it right?
Just wait ’til I tell Gail, thank God for “contact lists” cuz I don’t think I remember her phone number…oh, and by the way, if you see a brunette with highlights wandering around Flower Mound, point her in the direction of the black Kia Soul with all the kid stickers across the back end.