BEWARE: If you are one of my children, or one of my brothers, or one of my other relatives in general…you may want to click away from this post now before reading any further. Because, while this aims to be funny, the topic is, um, very personal.
The topic of this post is SEX. Marital sex.
Which is the only kind I have known since May of ’92.
And when you have been married twenty one years, having produced four kids together, you have definitely spent some time between the sheets!
Or, in the shower…
but that’s another post.
Here’s where the “magic” happens…
REAL cheap, but REAL sturdy if ya know what I mean (wink wink)!
Again if you are related to me by blood, or married to someone who is, last chance…
Can you tell I am stalling?
Okay, here’s the story: The other day I was on the elliptical machine watching The TODAY Show (which is what I do each Monday-Friday at 8:15 a.m., and yes, I thank God everyday for the opportunity to do so. Thanks to you too honey, mwah).
Anyway, this woman was being interviewed because she wrote a book (the name of which escapes me right now, probably because it was something I would never read) about having sex with her husband EVERY DAY for a year.
This is not the first time I have heard of this kind of insanity, but apparently her feat was a book-worthy endeavor.
Not only did this woman have sex with her husband for THREE HUNDRED SIXTY FIVE DAYS IN A ROW, (except if he was out of town on business) they have like five small children!
I’d truly like to congratulate her, but quite frankly I think she belongs in a straight jacket! She told Savannah Guthrie when “working” around the kids schedules they would tell them they had to go “behind closed doors for a meeting with Santa”.
I wasn’t sure if I was going to laugh or throw up when I heard that little admission.
EVEN IN MY BEST YEAR (which, with brutal honesty, was thirteen years ago) we didn’t even come close to that type of activity.
I mean, I LOVE my husband, very much, but EVERY DAY???????????
I have learned a lot in the past twenty-one years (on many levels, and I will not be going into logistics…), probably the most important of which is my husband’s “currency” has everything to do with our sex life.
My currency, on the other hand, can be found in things much less “steamy”. Like when he washes the dishes after dinner, or when he offers to pick a kid up from a camp, or [this is over the top] when he rents a sappy movie at redbox and he cuddles (awake) ALL the way through to the end of the movie with me.
Now THAT is my definition of making love.
So [lady with book deal] in my opinion, good wives come in all shapes and sizes, and with varying degrees of stamina and ability. Although I will never be “Mrs.-Let’s-Do-It-Everyday-For-a-Year-and-See-What-Happens”, the true art of a successful marriage is compromise. In the bedroom, and out.