Like it or not, one of the constants in this life is change. The recent Supreme Court decision to allow same sex marriage in all 50 states is the latest “big” change on my radar as a mother of five who is consciously working at raising kids who will (and in two cases have) become compassionate, contributing, well-adjusted adults in a world which, at times, is anything but.
However, I have to be honest and share this recent ruling is a change I am struggling with. My dilemma has nothing to do with political views (because, believe it or not, I have none), or my religious views (yes I was raised Catholic, married in and baptized our kids as well, but Tom and I aren’t die-hard religious folks), or biblical (my faith in God and in a purpose greater than oneself has never come from a book).
My concern about open-arming same sex marriage centers around whether or not future generations will become even more confused by the ability and freedom to choose. Will this decision to legalize gay marriage create even more uncertainty for what family stands for and looks like? Will young people now feel it is okay to explore more often, more freely, knowing they can go either way and it’s all going to be okay?
I will admit I believe we were designed to be in a committed relationship with the opposite sex, just by the sheer physical components we arrive in the world with. On the other hand, anyone who knows me well would be quick to acknowledge that if one of my kids came to me and told me they were in love with someone of their same sex I would be the last person to judge or to shun them. To me the essence of being the best mom I can be to them is to love without condition, no matter what decision or path they take. My kids, like yours, are each on their own journey here to fulfill their life’s purpose and it’s a gift to be able to guide them until they can navigate it themselves.
Sometimes I seriously think it would be easier to have a religious soapbox to stand on…
God loves all of us. But in my gut I know mothers and fathers offer very unique gifts and perspectives to their children while they are growing up. There are things Tom brings to the table that I can’t as a woman, and vice versa.
I have spoken about this topic with two of my kids, both of which have differing views on the matter. I have yet to talk about it with the others, either because I haven’t had the opportunity to do so, or because I am just not prepared to talk through this change when I don’t have clarity myself.
Am I the only person struggling with how life may be affected by embracing the idea of two women or two men openly, and with prevalence in relationship, raising a family?
It’s not about thinking those who chose to be with the same sex are going to hell, or that because I am a heterosexual it somehow makes me a better person…it’s about questioning the impact of this change on the landscape of families and what it may look like in a generation or two. While it’s PC now to be open-minded about all kinds of families, what if the long-term ramifications end up being something radically different than the initial happiness of people who are deeply emotionally attached, but aren’t able to fill the roles heterosexual couples can?
It could be the best thing that’s ever happened…but, my instinct tells me this may be a step further into chaos.
I welcome your feedback, not angry rants (because while they may feel good in the moment they are not truly useful), constructive thoughts and perspectives….comment below or, if you prefer, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.